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Original:
The lecture talks about the effects of wilderness management such as the
suppression of
forest fires and limitations on the clear-cutting of trees. The lecture
claims wilderness
management is not necessarily beneficial to wilderness, while the reading
passage indicates
wilderness management has some advantages to wilderness.
Correction:
The lecture talks about the effects of forest fires. The reading passage indicates that forest fires are harmful to both plants and animals; however the lecture
refutes that forest fires have some advantages by providing several points.(37)
Notes:
Only the reading passage talks about wilderness management. The listening
passage focuses on
pointing out the advantages of forest fires. Therefore you should mention
what they both talk
about, which in this case is forest fires. I changed your introduction
so that instead forest fires
is used. Also, you need to show how the listening passage cast doubt on
the reading passage.
So, after mentioning the main point of the lecture, you can then mention
the main point of the
reading and finally mention that the lecture refutes or casts doubt on
the reading.
Original:
The reading passage indicates that preventing destruction by fires and cutting leads to the
longer lives and improved health of trees. However, the listening passage
points out that young
trees like an oak cannot replace old trees without fires and cutting. Fires
and cutting can help
forests renewal.
Correction:
First the lecture points out that trees are not healthy if there are too many trees. The reading passage indicates that fire suppression leads to the longer lives and improved health of
trees. However, the listening passage claims that young trees like oaks cannot replace old trees because they can’t get enough light and nutrition because there are too
many trees. In
short, fires can help forest renewal.(68)
Notes:
In this kind of essay, your topic sentence in each paragraph should mention
the main point of
the listening passage. Then you can talk about the point of the reading
passage and end with
what the lecture states. Also, think you got the main point here, but you
mentioned cutting. As
the listening made no mention of cutting, it is better not to mention it
here. And, preventing destruction by fires is okay, but fire suppression is the term used. Also, young trees cannot replace old trees but you didn’t
mention how that is related to fire suppression or not. I added
that information so it is clear that you understood the point. Finally, forest renewal is the correct term.Original:
The reading passage states that fire suppression helps prevent vines, low
bushes and nutrients
in the soil decrease. However, the lecture points out that fires and cutting
help young trees
replace old trees, again.
Correction:
Secondly, the speaker states that burning a forest puts more nutrients
into the land. The reading passage states that forest fires decrease the amount of nutrients in the soil. The speaker, however, points out that scientists have found that valuable nutrients are released
when plants and animals are burned. Therefore, fires release nutrients
which support forest
growth.(57)
Notes:
The last sentence of this paragraph was too similar to the previous paragraph
in that you ended
by saying fires are good for forests. It is too vague because you don’t
fully compare what the
reading and listening passage say. You need to mention what it was that
the speaker said that
countered the reading’s argument. I added that information here. Also,
I changed your topic
sentence to include the main point of the listening passage.
Original:
The reading passage claims that the suppression of fires can prevent forest
animals such as
deer from being burned to death. However, the listening passage points
out that increased
population of deer caused by fire suppression leads to the death of forest
because deer feed on
leaves.
Correction:
Finally, the lecturer claims that forest fires benefit the wildlife. The reading passage claims that the suppression of fires can prevent forest
animals such as deer from being burned to
death. However, the speaker argues that the increased population of deer caused by fire suppression leads to the death
of forest because deer feed on leaves. Thus, protecting wildlife can be a threat to forests.(65)
Notes:
This part was pretty good. The only problem was that your last sentence did not sum up the
main of the listening passage. It is important to include that in your
paragraphs. In addition, I
changed your topic sentence to include the main point in the listening
passage.
Comments:
Overall, I think you did a pretty good job on this. In this essay, you
need to paraphrase what was
heard and said. The information in the listening part makes up most of
the summary and it is
usually in your own words. The main points in the listening passage should
be part of your topic
sentences. To make sure that you can present that information well, try
to take good notes
while reading and listening. Make sure you write down the main ideas in
the both the reading
and listening passages so you can include them in your essay. Finally,
try to think of other ways
to say things like the leading/reading says. You can uses phrase such as
the speaker/article
claims, the lecture/reader points out, the lecturer/reader argues, the reading passage/listening passage indicates, and, the speaker/writer feels.
I think overall, though, you did a pretty good job. I think you understand
the main ideas of both
the reading and the listening passage and you did a rather good summarizing
them. Also, I think
you picked up some of the key phrases used and that’s really good. Keep
up the good work! |
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